Post by Alissa on May 15, 2009 21:35:55 GMT -5
Real Friends
FAKE FRIENDS:Never ask for food. > >
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr / Mrs > >
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM> >
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry > >
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back > >
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you > >
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing > >
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you. > >
FAKE FRIENDS:Would knock on your front door > >
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!' > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while > >
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you. > >
REAL FRIENDS:Will knock the person out that talked bad aboutyou > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this> >
REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all their real friends and hope to get it back! > >
If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to your Funeral, because I'd be in jail for killing the person who did it. > > I wanted to let you know that I love you to death & think you are Amazing!
Jokes to tell at church[/u]
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls It a poem, they give him $ 50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad Scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words On a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect All the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them t o take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy Mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our Brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ' Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dadd'
FAKE FRIENDS:Never ask for food. > >
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr / Mrs > >
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM> >
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry > >
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back > >
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you > >
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing > >
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you. > >
FAKE FRIENDS:Would knock on your front door > >
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!' > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while > >
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you. > >
REAL FRIENDS:Will knock the person out that talked bad aboutyou > >
FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this> >
REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all their real friends and hope to get it back! > >
If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to your Funeral, because I'd be in jail for killing the person who did it. > > I wanted to let you know that I love you to death & think you are Amazing!
Jokes to tell at church[/u]
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls It a poem, they give him $ 50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad Scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words On a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect All the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them t o take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy Mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our Brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ' Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dadd'